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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Dinner Guests

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Book For DinnerI’ve come to appreciate that crafting a tasty meal doesn’t mean as much if it’s consumed by only the cook and no one else

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. The effort isn’t as satisfying when leaning against the kitchen counter and eating it out of the pot it was cooked in. Using a plate doesn’t add that much to the ambiance. The whining, begging pet at your feet may count as a companion, but is a far cry from a dinner guest. Face it, the drooling mongrel would devour anything short of cardboard, and consider it a feast. I’m not looking for praise, although it’s nice to hear, but there’s something worth the energy when your cooking gets them off the couch, lifts their noses from their cell phones, or prompts a friend to slip shoes on and drive over.

Self-publishing your first novel is like inviting the in-laws to your first Thanksgiving-cooked dinner — only worse. Mashing potatoes like a pro didn’t prepare me for baking my first turkey any more than my website blogs have prepared me for my first novel release. I was realistic when I created the website and posted some of my favorite pieces. My visitors would be few and those that did show up, would be kind. I knew where most of them lived. But self-publishing a first novel is so, so different. I’ve put more blood, sweat and energy into it than all the combined holiday meals one can squeeze into a lifetime.

But it’s time to stop eating alone in my kitchen. I’ve psyched myself up and I’m ready to send out scores of invitations, as scary as it is. We all have fear of throwing a party and no one comes. I’ll treat it like a perpetual Open House. Leave the door open for anyone who wants to steer up my walk and take a peek in the door. I might get a few stragglers dropping by, others over time, but in the end appreciate serving someone a scrumptious meal of my own creation.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Steep the Bones

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Simmering Chicken Soup In Pot On Cooker Close UpAny good cook knows that what ends up in the bottom of your frying pan or what’s stuck and dangling from a carcass holds the most flavor. If you don’t gag at the sight of gristle or turn away from stuck-on onion and blackened meat tendons, you’ll make an awesome chef.

My mother taught me that the drippings from searing and browning the outside of a roast is what makes gravy so delicious. Juices brimming with the seasonings you added while cooking that roast in the Crock-pot all day could end up as broth for the Jambalaya later .

Exhausted as I am after Thanksgiving dinner, I painstakingly pick at the turkey bones, but I won’t carve off everything I find. A stew pot the size of my last electricity bill will take care of that. A day-long process that works best when the slight chill in the house begs for the warmth of a gas stove sputtering at low heat all day long. As the turkey carcass enjoys its time in the hot tub, its flavors create the most tantalizing broth while the last of its tender morsels swan dive into the juicy water. A good strainer will allow you to pick out the unwanted particles. A painstaking process but so-worth-it in the end.

Such is editing

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. If you have a first draft the size of Montana, I’m betting your fingers still twitch in your sleep. Fattened from that gargantuan meal, you need to take the time for it to settle. Get up, stretch, take the dog for a walk, do the dishes or, in my case, ignore them until the smell forces you to deal with it. Take that well deserved break. Then, and only then do you sit down in front of what you have. See what stands out, get rid of the gristle and trim the fat. Steep the bones. The process requires patience and a willingness not to lift the lid too often because if you do, some of the flavor will escape and you might not get it back. Take your time. Keep focused, imagine the outcome and strive for it. You’ll be left with a great base of drippings that you can then turn into mouth-watering gravy. If you’re lucky, you might have something leftover that you can use for a second or third dish.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Garnish Isn’t Just Pretty

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Tropical Coconut DrinkIf you’ve reached a comfort zone with cooking and are confident your dishes taste good, you’re probably at the stage where you want them to look good. If so, you’re ready for the garnish. For most of us it’s a simple sprig of herb placed on top. If you are especially handy with a paring knife, the fancy carved vegetable varieties can showcase your artistic side (face it, you’re an over-achiever with way too much time on your hands and I am envious but applaud you).

These fancy touches sometimes confuse the guests, however, and as lovely as they look you may have them pondering: Do I eat it? Do I leave it on the plate and hide the evidence that I licked the plate clean? What idiot thought a protruding object belonged in a glass that comes disturbingly close to my eye?

Garnish is supposed to hint at an ingredient found in the dish, like slices of candied lemon curled on top of a lemon bundt cake or sprigs of sage emerging from the Thanksgiving turkey’s various orifices. If so, do cherries hidden under colorful paper umbrellas really scream impending brain cell death, amnesia and vague memories of stumbling in a rumba chorus line?

In the culinary world, garnish not only hints at what’s inside, it’s to make the dish more appealing to the eye

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. Even if the dish turns out less-than-satisfying, your guest might at least sample it if it looks like an expert constructed the thing. Such is the elevator pitch or log line. A snippet of intrigue that hints at whats between the book’s covers and with a few short words makes you want to taste it. Consider the teaser for my novel, FADE TO BLACK. “In the world of illusions, there are many secrets. Ian Black has more than most.” You know that Ian is an illusionist, a profession known for its secrets, but he’s hiding something deeper, perhaps darker than what’s behind his curtain. A writer friend’s publisher liked hers so much that they kept it for her breakout novel, BURN OUT. “The last girl on earth – just got company.”

Intrigued? Let’s hope so, because as a writer you are selling your work to an agent, editor, publisher, book seller and/or ultimately, the book buyer with just a few short words.

Creating the perfect log line can be painful, like repeatedly cutting your hand with a pairing knife because God didn’t design radishes for intricate detail work. He designed them to eat. It’s impossible to sum up thousands and thousands of words into a single line or two. Stop trying. Choose one or two primary ingredients that make your dish stand out as something different from the others. Decorate it with a little fluff and appeal to make others want a taste, to find out more.

It’s been said that if you can’t come up with a log line then you don’t know what your story is about. It doesn’t matter how experienced you are, its one of the most painful tasks for a writer. Honestly, I’d rather cater a dinner party for a thousand guests and do the dishes in scaling water with my bare hands.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – It Looks Too Good to Eat

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Gourmet appetizer with artichoke, <a href=Attraction. It’s a major factor in getting what we want in life. Flowers use it on the bees, birds strut their plumage and for a variety of attention-getting ideas, turn to mammals (truthfully, I don’t get that whole baboon butt thing, but that might just be me). I’m convinced that sea life invented it with their amazing colors and design combinations which existed long before people walked the earth and we waded after them with our water-proof cameras.

Color equates to nutritious appeal and is always in the back of a chef’s mind, but it’s presentation, the moment our eyes cast upon their work of art that earns the “ahh” and is forever etched into our memories. There’s a reason foods boasting color (hopefully natural, not dyed) are healthier than the bland, lacks-nutrition white stuff. We’re wired to be attracted to them in order to survive

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. While you sit debating with your stomach whether gluttony is actually a sin, anything to avoid destroying the work of art, you won’t notice or mind the miniscule portions.

Every writer should take a cue from nature and add color to your dishes. Make those baboons sit up and take notice (anything to make them plant those rears on the ground and out of my line of vision). Truss up those characters, your locations, that drama. Work on creating colorful dialogue. If you are working with a traditional publisher, pay close attention to that cover. If you’re indie publishing, pay maximum attention to that cover. Remember, bland isn’t healthy and we’re not attracted to it. Present your readers with an eye-popping, I can’t wait to devour, but want to savor it first with my eyes initial impression, or one-of-a-kind story.

They’ll be willing to pay for it, even if it means raiding the pantry before bed later. They’ll never forget how it looked the first time they saw it and that it was worth every penny.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – The Oven is Hotter in the Back

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Oven - VectorI spent a wad of cash on a nice oven a few years ago because I got tired of having to open the door halfway through my baking and spin the pan around to ensure even cooking. My new appliance boasted convection settings and came with a fan to circulate the heat evenly

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. After several years of baking in it, my oven is still hotter in the back.

It remains one of the mysteries of the universe, but I’m currently at one with my universe and have accepted that I will always have to turn the pan around.

Most writer’s plot their novels with the greatest amount of heat in the back. It’s the universe we live in! But how appealing would a meal be if you forgot to turn the pan around and the first course or two were served undercooked? No one will pick at raw meat or gooey bread dough for long even if the odors coming from the kitchen smell promising. Make sure you spin that pan a few times or that the convection fan is circulating the heat as best as it can throughout the plot. That way your story not only pulls the reader in but moves it along with tasty morsels of intrigue, mystery, suspense or hints of romance and conflict interspersed with larger bites of robust characters, dastardly villains and tantalizing locales.

Your guests will praise you for a well cooked meal and you’ll spare them from having to make up some lame excuse the next time you invite them to your table.

 

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Everything is Better with Bacon

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close up of fried crispy baconI like bacon. Scratch that. I LOVE bacon

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. There’s something about it that attacks and binds all five of my senses in a perfect marriage. The aroma permeates the entire house and my taste buds tingle while it stirs my stomach in anticipation. The sizzling beads of cholesterol screaming fat that bubbles to the surface is  music to my ears as it heats to a glistening, brown-crisp perfection in my pan. The second it hits my tongue the salty, smoky flavor, with a hint of sweet chasing after the savory, rejoices in my mouth.

I toss it in everything, well, not exactly everything because then it would run the risk of being common place and lose its appeal. I love my bacon too much to abuse it. And let’s face it, it doesn’t belong in Grandma’s eggnog anymore than my arteries.

Bacon, or in this case tapping into our five senses and painstakingly describing everything, brings our writing to life, but too much of it and you slow your story’s pace to a crawl. Use it to draw your readers into a setting, the moment of unexpected emotion, to rev up that tension, to savor the taste of victory or crumbling defeat. If you love bacon, like I love bacon, you’ll know when you crave it or when your readers need to be drawn in with it. Otherwise toss in bacon bits here and there as needed.

Now go drag out that frying pan. You know you want some 🙂

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Even the Cook Burns Out

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Portrait of scared baby against crazy mother with pan on headMy dog tires of the same bagged, dry food and snorts in disgust preferring to whine and beg at my heels for the human equivalent. Lately, she’s chosen to sniff out a neighbor’s kitchen with better prospects

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. Luring her back with moldy cheese no longer works. My family knew when to make dinner-hour plans away from home based on the day of the week meatloaf was served. The calendar’s space under Wednesday filled weeks in advance and the penciled scratches bled into Thursdays.

It’s easy to get into a cooking rut and make the same meals. Whatever comes easy or natural runs the risk of uninspired. The new and different requires energy that we don’t always have.

Find the energy. Make the time. Travel outside your cul-de-sac to sit on a park bench and take notes as if you have taken your first breath of fresh air after waking from cryogenic sleep while the sun’s warmth thaws out every pore. Imagine why that woman looks just like her poodle. Attend interesting seminars if for no other reason than to people watch or to study the individuals running the event. Show up at a neighborhood-watch or PTA meeting. They are always good for larger-than-life, if not stereotypical, characters. Confound your television remote and drive the teenagers out of the room to tune into the Discovery Network or the History Channel. Who cares if your kids later find you snoozing in the middle of the afternoon? You’re never too old to take naps and dream.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Everyone Burns Their Hand

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Funny Woman Cook Waving Stop. Bad CookingWriter’s block is like a cook that’s burnt their hand. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve cooked, if you’re a five-star chef or if you are a novice. Eventually every cook burns their hand. It won’t matter how you burnt it, what you burnt it on or who you can blame. You’ve burnt your hand and can’t cook. Even if you manage to ignore the pain or numbness because you’ve got great drugs (it’s a very bad burn), reality is you can’t pick up a pot or grip the pan. Staring at the utensils while leaning over the stove with your tears pooling beneath the grate won’t miraculously make a meal appear, edible or not.

Do what inspires you. Go to a restaurant and order something different off the menu. Risk salmonella and try the free samples in your local market. Even if they don’t look that fresh, you might not go bald on one side of your head or lose the sensation in your right hand for long. Take a cooking class and be open to what the teacher and other classmates share. You will never know everything in this world before you die. It’s a statistical improbability

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. I think Einstein said that or something like that, but don’t quote me.

Read books in your genre or slip out of your comfort zone and read books in another genre. Attend a writer’s group for the first time or return to one from your past. Attend conferences. Nothing’s more inspiring than to brush elbows with other writers who struggle the same as you and, no matter how successful, still remember the pain of rejection or the agony of dealing with agents and publishing houses. They can offer sage advice. Besides, it’s a blast to hang with them in the hotel bar. Writers don’t get out much, but when they do…

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – A Different Bowl Doesn’t Make It Different

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Green BowlAunt Marie will recognize her Jell-O salad even if you did add colored marshmallows to it and used a software program to create custom recipe cards. Your mini pastel additions won’t fool anyone other than Heather picking them out and plopping them in her mouth with sea green fingers

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. Given that she’s a five year old, she doesn’t count. If I were you, I’d steer clear of Jello-salad. That’s so fifties. If you can’t resist then its going to take more than different packaging. Reinvent, update with something fresh and add your own personal and unique spin to it. Take what appeals to you with the genre or plot points and expand or twist it around. Tried and true characters are loved for a reason but give them traits or flaws that haven’t been done before. Be original and it’ll get noticed. Remember, this isn’t the movies where the latest advances in CGI make this decade’s Superman ice fortress that much cooler – pun intended.