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Murphy’s Law Strikes Again

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ThermostatThere’s a reason I recently traveled from a temperate, pleasant environment to a hell-couldn’t-be-hotter location. Family

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. Getting on an airplane with the outside temperature is at a lovely 76 degrees and stepping off to a blast of 108 degrees is a shock to anyone’s system. To be fair, every place you go is air conditioned. You lose count of the backyard swimming pools on your plane’s decent! Comforts are boundless, well, except for parking lot cars. To get inside a vehicle with closed windows baking in the sun for longer than five minutes is not for the weak. Especially when you keep in mind that you have exposed thighs thanks to shorts being the only garment of choice at that time of year. Needless to say, after a wonderful and swimming pool-filled week, I looked forward to returning home to my twenty-degree cooler lifestyle.

Murphy broke into my home in my absence. I stepped into a hot, muggy house. Snickers sauntered up to greet me with a “don’t even think about snuggling” attitude and too parched to waste her breath to bark in protest. I checked the air conditioner. The motor hummed, the fan blew, but no cool air rose from the vents. I checked circuits just to cover all tracks and I focused on batteries in the thermostat, cotton clogging the outside unit, anything to explain the absence of comfort. Nothing was out of sync.

With a week of 90+ degrees and suffering from allergies my attic fan sucked in every night, I broke down and called the recommended source to make a house call I couldn’t afford. Unable to come for a few more days, he ran over a list of what to check. My self confidence soared as his list confirmed my own known remedies. That is, until he asked if I checked my furnace filter. Murphy’s snicker rang in my head. I rushed home, pulled out a blacker-than-the-inside-of-my-chimney filter and exchanged it with one from the unopened, dusty pack nearby.

Cool air blew and my adrenaline-relieved energy had me dancing around the house. Murphy reluctantly supplied the music.

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Father’s Day 2014

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Asphalt`s Holes On Roadbed. Car In A Motion.Driveways have life’s best views. The parade of cars that my father purchased over the years went from two-doors to four-doors to station wagons and back to four-doors.

One year our driveway saw his pickup truck transform into a truck-plus-camper overnight

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. It delivered on the promise of wonderful family excursions. I lovingly remember campfire stories amidst musical chair/logs to avoid the plume of breeze-driven smoke and the comfort of sleeping bags snuggled together.

Driving lessons in the nearby high school parking lot morphed into a slew of cars that came and went during our nearly two decades of teen years. My parents scrutinized, enjoyed, tolerated and ultimately survived six-dating daughters and our endless line of suitors.

My father’s truck grew smaller and more compact as the parade of teenager cars dwindled. A behemoth appeared along with a boat around the time my father retired and my parents weekend trips grew longer as the responsibility at home diminished. The gargantuan RV was eventually replaced with a fancier, expanding model and their absences extended into entire months or half the summers away from that driveway.

Now life has turned a corner for my mother and father and their days of traveling in their RV are behind them. The monstrous vehicle went the way of his boat this year and their driveway is once again all but bare. Although the vehicles have come and gone, I’m thankful that their car continues to leave and return once in a while. Even if the driveway is only empty for a an hour or two to pick up groceries or to run a quick errand, life at my parent’s house still goes on.

Happy Father’s Day, DAD.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Steep the Bones

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Simmering Chicken Soup In Pot On Cooker Close UpAny good cook knows that what ends up in the bottom of your frying pan or what’s stuck and dangling from a carcass holds the most flavor. If you don’t gag at the sight of gristle or turn away from stuck-on onion and blackened meat tendons, you’ll make an awesome chef.

My mother taught me that the drippings from searing and browning the outside of a roast is what makes gravy so delicious. Juices brimming with the seasonings you added while cooking that roast in the Crock-pot all day could end up as broth for the Jambalaya later .

Exhausted as I am after Thanksgiving dinner, I painstakingly pick at the turkey bones, but I won’t carve off everything I find. A stew pot the size of my last electricity bill will take care of that. A day-long process that works best when the slight chill in the house begs for the warmth of a gas stove sputtering at low heat all day long. As the turkey carcass enjoys its time in the hot tub, its flavors create the most tantalizing broth while the last of its tender morsels swan dive into the juicy water. A good strainer will allow you to pick out the unwanted particles. A painstaking process but so-worth-it in the end.

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. If you have a first draft the size of Montana, I’m betting your fingers still twitch in your sleep. Fattened from that gargantuan meal, you need to take the time for it to settle. Get up, stretch, take the dog for a walk, do the dishes or, in my case, ignore them until the smell forces you to deal with it. Take that well deserved break. Then, and only then do you sit down in front of what you have. See what stands out, get rid of the gristle and trim the fat. Steep the bones. The process requires patience and a willingness not to lift the lid too often because if you do, some of the flavor will escape and you might not get it back. Take your time. Keep focused, imagine the outcome and strive for it. You’ll be left with a great base of drippings that you can then turn into mouth-watering gravy. If you’re lucky, you might have something leftover that you can use for a second or third dish.

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Stop and Sniff

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DachshundEver since Snicker’s stroke, things have changed. I’ve become nostalgic for how things used to be but, more than that, how things are right now. Not even this period of my life that I know and love will stay the same. Nothing ever does. Life is fluid – and filled with them.

We take slower, longer walks Snickers and I to savor and smell the flowers and as a result, we’re sneezing frequently and with great gusto. All of which makes me realize I need to buy more boxed tissue. I’ve searched the house for disposable paper products. Post-It-Notes, although gummy, offer absolutely no absorbancy. I’ve been tempted by the contents of the recycle bin but, face it, that stuff’s in there for a reason. Snicker’s doesn’t know what the fuss is about and rubs her snout on the rug

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. Hopefully that too shall pass before summer really hits and I’m walking around in bare feet.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Garnish Isn’t Just Pretty

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Tropical Coconut DrinkIf you’ve reached a comfort zone with cooking and are confident your dishes taste good, you’re probably at the stage where you want them to look good. If so, you’re ready for the garnish. For most of us it’s a simple sprig of herb placed on top. If you are especially handy with a paring knife, the fancy carved vegetable varieties can showcase your artistic side (face it, you’re an over-achiever with way too much time on your hands and I am envious but applaud you).

These fancy touches sometimes confuse the guests, however, and as lovely as they look you may have them pondering: Do I eat it? Do I leave it on the plate and hide the evidence that I licked the plate clean? What idiot thought a protruding object belonged in a glass that comes disturbingly close to my eye?

Garnish is supposed to hint at an ingredient found in the dish, like slices of candied lemon curled on top of a lemon bundt cake or sprigs of sage emerging from the Thanksgiving turkey’s various orifices. If so, do cherries hidden under colorful paper umbrellas really scream impending brain cell death, amnesia and vague memories of stumbling in a rumba chorus line?

In the culinary world, garnish not only hints at what’s inside, it’s to make the dish more appealing to the eye

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. Even if the dish turns out less-than-satisfying, your guest might at least sample it if it looks like an expert constructed the thing. Such is the elevator pitch or log line. A snippet of intrigue that hints at whats between the book’s covers and with a few short words makes you want to taste it. Consider the teaser for my novel, FADE TO BLACK. “In the world of illusions, there are many secrets. Ian Black has more than most.” You know that Ian is an illusionist, a profession known for its secrets, but he’s hiding something deeper, perhaps darker than what’s behind his curtain. A writer friend’s publisher liked hers so much that they kept it for her breakout novel, BURN OUT. “The last girl on earth – just got company.”

Intrigued? Let’s hope so, because as a writer you are selling your work to an agent, editor, publisher, book seller and/or ultimately, the book buyer with just a few short words.

Creating the perfect log line can be painful, like repeatedly cutting your hand with a pairing knife because God didn’t design radishes for intricate detail work. He designed them to eat. It’s impossible to sum up thousands and thousands of words into a single line or two. Stop trying. Choose one or two primary ingredients that make your dish stand out as something different from the others. Decorate it with a little fluff and appeal to make others want a taste, to find out more.

It’s been said that if you can’t come up with a log line then you don’t know what your story is about. It doesn’t matter how experienced you are, its one of the most painful tasks for a writer. Honestly, I’d rather cater a dinner party for a thousand guests and do the dishes in scaling water with my bare hands.

Blog, Family, growing old, Home, pets, Uncategorized, writing

Mother’s Day 2014

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baby`s handOver the years I’ve written my share of messages to my son. Notes of love and encouragement stuck in his lunch bags, sentiments that filled up his birthday and every other special occasion cards and single sheet letters (They could have been longer but heaven forbid I bore him or worse, lose his attention).

 

But my biggest regret is that I never kept a journal of what he has said to me

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. Words and insight that measure his passage of time, growth and development. So, I’ve decided to post my favorites, ones that have stuck with me over the years. It’s his words that showcase what it means for me to be a mother.

  • His humming the entire melody to “This Old Man” while strapped in his car seat at the age of 9 months.
  • “Mommy, wrapper off,” while handing me a banana.
  • “Daddy, there’s bug legs all over you!” When his father returned from a fishing trip with stubble on his face.
  • While tugging on his sleeves, “Mommy, these broke.” The weather turned warm and I put him in a short sleeved t-shirt for the first time in months.
  • When I picked him up from his first day of kindergarten, he scrunched his nose at me. “Why did you give me such a long first name? It takes forever to write!”
  • “The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, too!” Glaring at me with his hands on his hips as his innocence evaporated before my eyes at the same moment his brain accepted there was no living, breathing Santa in his world (Thanks to Philip down the street).
  • “Mommy you’re the best!” Accompanied by the most heart-felt hug he’s ever given me, for receiving a Tasmanian Devil t-shirt that same Christmas (I wasn’t ready to give up believing and the tag still read, From Santa)
  • “You don’t give back something you adopt.” An eight year-old’s wisdom beyond his years. He refused to give up on a brand new puppy when she was found to have a heart defect and there was discussion we might return her to the breeder. Snickers is now fifteen years-old and still ticking and licking.
  • His deafening silence when words couldn’t ease his anguish and pain at the loss of his father.
  • “I love you, mom.” Not said in passing, etched into a birthday card or tossed in my direction after unwrapping a gift. The times he has said it as a young man and the words unmistakably came from his heart.

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – The Oven is Hotter in the Back

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Oven - VectorI spent a wad of cash on a nice oven a few years ago because I got tired of having to open the door halfway through my baking and spin the pan around to ensure even cooking. My new appliance boasted convection settings and came with a fan to circulate the heat evenly

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. After several years of baking in it, my oven is still hotter in the back.

It remains one of the mysteries of the universe, but I’m currently at one with my universe and have accepted that I will always have to turn the pan around.

Most writer’s plot their novels with the greatest amount of heat in the back. It’s the universe we live in! But how appealing would a meal be if you forgot to turn the pan around and the first course or two were served undercooked? No one will pick at raw meat or gooey bread dough for long even if the odors coming from the kitchen smell promising. Make sure you spin that pan a few times or that the convection fan is circulating the heat as best as it can throughout the plot. That way your story not only pulls the reader in but moves it along with tasty morsels of intrigue, mystery, suspense or hints of romance and conflict interspersed with larger bites of robust characters, dastardly villains and tantalizing locales.

Your guests will praise you for a well cooked meal and you’ll spare them from having to make up some lame excuse the next time you invite them to your table.

 

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – Even the Cook Burns Out

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Portrait of scared baby against crazy mother with pan on headMy dog tires of the same bagged, dry food and snorts in disgust preferring to whine and beg at my heels for the human equivalent. Lately, she’s chosen to sniff out a neighbor’s kitchen with better prospects

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. Luring her back with moldy cheese no longer works. My family knew when to make dinner-hour plans away from home based on the day of the week meatloaf was served. The calendar’s space under Wednesday filled weeks in advance and the penciled scratches bled into Thursdays.

It’s easy to get into a cooking rut and make the same meals. Whatever comes easy or natural runs the risk of uninspired. The new and different requires energy that we don’t always have.

Find the energy. Make the time. Travel outside your cul-de-sac to sit on a park bench and take notes as if you have taken your first breath of fresh air after waking from cryogenic sleep while the sun’s warmth thaws out every pore. Imagine why that woman looks just like her poodle. Attend interesting seminars if for no other reason than to people watch or to study the individuals running the event. Show up at a neighborhood-watch or PTA meeting. They are always good for larger-than-life, if not stereotypical, characters. Confound your television remote and drive the teenagers out of the room to tune into the Discovery Network or the History Channel. Who cares if your kids later find you snoozing in the middle of the afternoon? You’re never too old to take naps and dream.

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A Cook’s Guide to Writing – If It’s Bland, Season It

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notebook and pencil for recipes and spices in spoons on wooden tNot everything that boils in my pot is to my liking. If it lacks taste or aroma, I add some spice. I’ll grab the tried and true salt and pepper but too often that isn’t interesting enough and I begin to experiment with seasonings that the recipe might not have called for. Add some cumin for its rich nutty and smoky flavor, or splash some Tabasco in it to give it some real kick.

If your protagonist is too perfect, the ladies won’t feel nurturing and sympathetic toward them. If your characters are common and stereotypical, give them a trait or taboo that makes us sit up and take notice. If your setting lacks imagination find a new location or bring it to life with all five senses. Nothing draws a reader into an imaginary environment like smells, textures and tastes. Find exotic seasonings and don’t be afraid to use them. “Cold” might be exactly what the recipe calls for but “frigid” or “Arctic” might make us shudder on a sweltering day and crave mom’s iced tea

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. Keep us riveted to our couch with well-paced plot. That way we won’t take a break to make some tea until the end of the chapter, better yet, the end of the book.